apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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