all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
NoShamevember. You game?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
