i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
