He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need to align my fucking chakras
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
