Someone shit on the floor
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
