my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
