Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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