Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
