I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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