This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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