Christians are straight up FREAKS
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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