fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
