The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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