turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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