Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
