Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
