We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
