There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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