insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
