Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
