I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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