He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
