this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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