So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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