good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is my gift to your gina
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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