her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
