"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
