I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
