hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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