Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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