One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
