All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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