I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
