brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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