Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
