1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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