No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
