Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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