I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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