Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
