Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
