I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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