Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
