I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
