i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
