I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
