I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
