also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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