My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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