Will you blow on my dice?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
