You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
