U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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