...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
