Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My balls are so social today.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
