i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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