When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
