It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I want to fling myself into the sun
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
