You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
