There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
