3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
