Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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