I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
