Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
